Day 10

Describe Your Most Embarrassing Moment


I am going to be VERY vague about this because it was very humiliating.  Only my brother, Scott, and my sister-in-law, Becky, know about it because unfortunately they were with me, but at least it was them and someone who isn't family... It happened last year one evening when we were driving to their house after eating dinner at Benihana. And that's all I'm going to say. :)

Day 9

List 10 People Who Have Influenced You and Describe How

1. My mom - Raising me (that alone encompasses so many levels)

2. My dad - instilling in me a mathematical brain and love for learning

3. Rick Hirschi (econ professor at BYUI) - taught me how to be open-minded

4. Greg Cramer (one of my bishops at BYUI) - helped me prepare for temple, mission, and life

5. My brother, Scott - helps put things into perspective and aids me in becoming a "Doctrinal Beastess"

6. My old roommate, Rachel - the best example I know of one who forgives

7. My brother, Brian - the very definition of a hard-worker

8. Hermanas Wagner and Henderson (MTC companions) - great examples of selflessness, love, patience, kindness, and sensitivity to others

9. My good friend, Hannah - one who is always happy, calm, and doesn't sweat the small stuff

10. My Savior - My best friend, He really is ALWAYS there!

Day 8

What are 5 passions you have?


1. Learning
I love to learn!!  It doesn't matter what it's about either.  I love learning new things and increasing my knowledge and understanding about a variety of topics.  I want to be one of those old people who have spent their life in study and are their own personal library and knows just about everything on anything!

2. Sleep
I love to sleep.  I'm not a morning or a night person, I'm a sleeping person.  Enough said.

3. Travel
I wish I could be a professional traveler.  How awesome would that be?!  Being paid to travel the world and seeing so many sites would be AWESOME!

4. Routines
Sounds weird, but I'm a huge believer in having a routine.  Some people would call this a rut, but I call it stability.  Plus there is such power and strength in it; I know this from experience :)

5. Gospel of Jesus Christ
Learning about this consumes me.  Everything I do is because of what I know and believe.  There is no end to how much I love the Gospel!

Day 7

What is your dream job and why?


My dream job is actually to have a lack thereof.  I would love to be a stay-at-home wife and mother rather than be in Corporate America with a formal job title.  The work that goes on in the home I would love to do.  However, that hasn't happened yet so I'll have to go to Plan B until then.

Plan B would be a low-key job, enough to make end's meet, but nothing lavish.  I don't really want to be a hard-core career woman, but a good, loyal, hard-working employee.  I would really love to use my math in some setting.  Basically, I want to be that nerd in the corner who's crunching numbers.  Right now I'm preparing to take the first Actuarial Exam (which I need to be a lot better about it) but I think that will be a good fit for me, at least I hope so :)

Day 6

What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?


This is a toughy...we all have our fair share of trials, struggles, and heartaches.  For me 2 things come to mind but I'll choose the most recent one since it's most fresh and feels like the hardest right now; this would have to be being sent home from my mission early.

I was never sure about serving a mission.  I was never one of those girls who knew they absolutely wanted to nor one of the girls who knew absolutely that it wasn't for them either.  I was always on the fence and when the time for a decision arrived, I struggled greatly and was so overly-concerned that I would choose wrong.  At first I decided no, and for a couple months I felt uneasy about it so I went to talk to my bishop and that same night we started my papers.  Before I knew it, a month had passed and all my paperwork was done but I still had 3 months until I could actually submit my papers to Salt Lake.  The whole time I was still never fully committed but then all of a sudden I had my mission call, I knew where I was going, when I was going, and needed to learn a language.  But that piece of paper changed it all for me.  My mission was all I could think about, and though terrified as I was, I couldn't wait to get out there and then before I knew it I was in the MTC.

I enjoyed the MTC but the first couple of days was a difficult transition for me.  Everyone around me was saying it wasn't hard for them at all (the transition) and in my head I was like, "Are you kidding me?!  This is sooo hard!"  But as I got accustomed to everything, started understanding some Spanish, I was content and with each passing day couldn't wait to get to New Jersey.  But things went south.  I don't want to go in to detail on here why I was sent home, so I won't, but the jist is I started getting sick and it just got worse and worse as time went on that leaders were beginning to be concerned.

I was so afraid to be sent home, because I knew, deep down, if I was, I wouldn't return to the mission field, despite how much I would want to, for it wasn't my will to be done.  I was informed on Wednesday, September 7, that the MTC Presidency would discuss my case and make a decision about what to do.  I found out the next day in the afternoon that I would be sent home and then the following morning I was on the plane to Arizona.  It all happened so fast, no way to soften the blow.

I can't explain the hurt, disappointment, and grief that I felt when I came home, especially in those first days.  All I wanted to do was cry, and the only thing that would comfort me the slightest was laying my head on my mom's lap with her massaging my head/playing with my hair.  I would just cry and she would cry too, but it was comforting.  It brought whole new meaning to the counsel, "Mourn with those that mourn."  That first day, weekend, week, and month home were the longest of my life.  Time still feels slow but It's surprising to see that I've been home now for 8 1/2 months.

It has gotten better, immensely, but it's still hard.  I still yearn to be in New Jersey, struggling with Spanish, and a companion, etc. etc. but it would all be worth it.  I just know it.  I don't cry as much anymore but there still are days when I need my mom's comfort.  The hardest thing about it all now is seeing all these people serve missions.  I count nearly almost 25 people (friends/acquaintances) that I know personally either on a mission or just about to go, and nearly half of them are girls.  I'm incredibly happy for them but every time it's like salt in an open wound.  As time goes on, the sting becomes less, but there is no escape from the memory.  For the rest of my life, every time the topic of missionary work comes up, when someone receives a call, has a farewell, or homecoming, my mind will revert to my mission and how it was cut short (at least to me, the Lord knew 6 weeks was what I would get).  But luckily for me, through Jesus Christ, the sting will not come each time, for my hurt and grief will be swallowed up in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  And that is the best of all :)

Day 5

What are 5 Things that Make you Most Happy Right Now


1.  Reading
I love reading.  I usually go in spurts but this has been the longest reading streak yet, and my list of books I want to buy and read is just getting longer and longer.  Lately I've been reading the most to enhance my gospel understanding.  I'm currently reading Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage and when I'm done with that I'll start reading The House of the Lord by the same author.  Reading, especially scriptures and in the morning, just makes my day that much better!

2.  Productivity
I love feeling productive.  There's nothing much better when at the end of the day I can recount all the stuff I've done that day and it's a long list!  It makes me so happy :)

3.  The Temple
I love the temple.  I didn't really come to appreciate the temple until I was endowed.  Before, I never appreciated doing baptisms and confirmations, especially away at school -- it would always be so crowded and rushed, it was hard to sit, relax, and just think.  But now, I can't get enough of it.  I would go everyday if I could, but for now Tuesday is my temple day and I look forward to it every week!

4.  Internet and Netflix
Sounds stupid but I just got an email saying I could get another month of Netflix free if I signed up today.  That happened right now :) On another note, our house will officially have internet starting this Tuesday.  I can't wait!  No longer have to only use my phone or driving to the library or a sibling's house to use their's :)

5.  Having a plan
I'm having trouble deciding what to do with my life and what to do for a career, etc.  I finally decided to take a stab at the actuarial career path.  It's a long, hard, mental road ahead but it's great having a plan.  Plans can change, but I have a goal, something to work towards!

Day 4

List 10 Things You Would Tell Your 16-year-old Self, if You Could.

1.  You will get in to BYU, your dream school.
2.  BYU isn't as great as they make it out to be and BYUI is not a reject school.
3.  Boys are stupid, don't get your hopes up about them.
4.  You're right, driving is the best!  Hurry up and get your license already.
5.  If you do ACE Plus, make sure you go to a state school, otherwise it won't be worth it.
6.  One B in high school, won't kill you.
7.  Quit avoiding mutual activities.
8.  Get out of the house more often.
9.  Learn to bridle your tongue.
10.  Listen to what I'm saying

Day 3

Describe Your Relationship With Your Parents.


What a hard question, it's hard to put into words what I feel and what I want to say.  But I'll give it my best shot...

My mom is AMAZING.  Don't get me wrong, she's CRAZY too but amazing.  Her levels of craziness reach all kinds of levels (if you know her personally you know what I mean) but she is perhaps my best friend.  I can only recall 3-4 times in my whole life where we clashed, A LOT (and those never lasted more than 4 months).  Though at those times, I was sure I hated her and that we would never have a good relationship again, but I'm so glad I was wrong.  She has been my rock and support throughout my life.  If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have done as well as I did in school, had the courage to go to college (especially move away to go to college), or have the strength to overcome such hard trials.  She has set an extraordinary example for me.  She has been through such hard times in her own life and yet she still loves the Lord, what a great lesson.  I'm so grateful to be hers and for her to be mine.  If I'm ever blessed to have children, I hope I can resemble her parenting patterns.

My dad passed away when I was young.  I'm told I'm just like him.  From pictures, I can definitely see the family resemblence.  We both have very analytical, logical, mathematical minds as well.  I love hearing stories about him and being told I'm just like him; it makes me happy.  He is still very influential in my life.  He cared a lot about education and that was a huge motivation for me to do well in high school that I could go on to higher learning.  It sounds strange, but I love going to his tombstone by myself at the cemetery he's buried at.  I talk to him like he really is there and his spirit gives me strength.  I know he helps me from the other side and is proud of me.  What a great feeling!

I also have a stepdad, Kevin.  He's been around for awhile.  He went on his first date with my mom when I was 9 and they got married when I was 15.  When they were engaged, I told my mom adamently that he is not my dad and nor will I ever call him that.  He's just been Kevin, my mom's boyfriend, fiancee, and husband (depending on the time).  For the longest time I never really considered him as anything, not family, not really a friend, but my mom's whatever.  It wasn't until recently that it really struck me that he is something to me.  He's my stepDAD.  He's seen me through the awkward preteens, the horrible teenage years, through elementary, jr. high, high school, college, and a mission.  He has definitely supported me through hard times and encouraged me to be better.  He has taught me how to grill and helped me gain a love for food.  We don't talk a ton, but I know he's there and it's wonderful

Day 2

Name and Explain 3 Legitimate Fears:

1. Death
Death is not an uncommon heartache in our family.  I'm not so worried about going to "the other side" but more HOW it will happen.  A car accident where I wither in pain or a long illness that will ultimately lead to death terrifies me, but in my sleep would be OK.  It's more I don't know what to expect, and it's not like someone can explain to you how it will be, and I don't handle the unknown very well.

2. Being Single
I'm getting older.  DUHH.  To the world, I'm still really young, but in Mormon World, I'm very behind.  Most of my friends by now are married, pregnant, or even already have one, with the second on the way. There comes a certain age for girls, when the boys quit looking and focus on the 19-year-olds.  I feel like I've passed the threshold or at least VERY CLOSE.  I worry that I'll never get married and I'll be alone.  The thought of dying alone terrifies me.

3. Failure
I'm so worried about not living up to my potential.  I don't like letting myself down, especially letting others down.  I worry about making mistakes that are BIG mistakes, making wrong decisions.  Obviously wearing white on a rainy day is a bad decision, but not compared to my career, my family, etc.  I don't want to mess up nor do I want to misinterpret guidance given to me.  Basically, I want to excel.  Sure, there will be bumps along the road, but I want to be strong enough, sure enough of myself, to keep going forward.

Stolen Idea: 30 Things

I will openly admit that I stole this idea from my friend Alexa's blog.  It's a 30-day/posts learning about me.  It will probably take me a lot longer than that but guess what?!  My house is jumping into the 21st century and we will have internet starting next week!!  So my posts will no longer be so sparatic (ideally that is haha)

Day 1 - 20 Random Facts

1.  In a group of people, I'm ALWAYS the shortest person (even compared to the children present usually)
2.  I went to 2 out of the 3 BYUs (Provo and Idaho)
3.  I LOVE the TV show, FRIENDS.
4.  Of the 2 vehicles I've owned, both have been manual and neither have had power locks.
5.  I love earrings, especially long silver ones that stand out against my hair.
6.  I'm the youngest in my family, and the only single one.
7.  I never wanted to live in Arizona again after college and yet, here I live.
8.  I was called to serve in the New Jersey Morristown Mission.
9.  My brother, Brian, broke my collar bone when I was 3.
10.  My brothers, Brian and Scott, and I play INTENSE games of One-for-One.
11.  Kickboxing-type workouts have always been my favorite type of exercise (Turbo Jam is the best program!)
12.  I work part-time as a math tutor at this facility called Mathnasium (Home of the Power Math Workout! LOL)
13.  I have recently started this new rule of One-dessert-a-day; it's hard but very effective!!
14.  I HATE the sound of silverware clanking against china (especially spoons against bowls).
15.  I have a Bachelor's degree -- my math minor was soooo much more work than my economics minor.
16.  For dessert, I love ANYTHING cookie dough.
17.  I'm currently studying for the first actuarial exam, hopefully I'll be ready to take it this September.
18.  3 years ago today I was in a rollover car accident.  It's a miracle to be alive and I'm so grateful!
19.  I've had nearly 40 different roommates (I even have a list!)
20.  I saw Hannah Montana: The Movie 10x in the theatres